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*Hugs everyone*
Thank you everyone for all the amazing notes, comments and even some art and gifts at this point. I can not begin to tell you how much they meant, but ill try.
Checking on this account occasionally reminded me that while everyone really is fragile, that the majority of us are doing our best to be there for one another. Its not always enough, and some of us fuck up and hurt one another... but the majority of us are in fact doing our best.
Thank you to everyone who chipped in to help buy me some time not working, it has allowed me a moment of reflection i couldnt have managed to give myself financially.
After a long time to asses, I've realized two things happened when my friend took his life: one, my sense of trust in myself and my ability to maintain friendships with others was broken. Two, being reminded how delicate people are made it hard to confide in anyone about the torrent of emotional bullshit going on in here.
As a temporary meassure, i needed to isolate myself until i could get on top of the negativity that was going through all of my thoughts.
Its not all gone yet, but its ... its getting there. Or ... that is to say, im managing to isolate some really tender places in my heart and distance myself from them as a cause of distress.
There are a couple of people (about 4 in total) in my life that have in fact, been bad for and to me in a way that i have not gotten over yet. Family and friends who, mostly because of people who have hurt them, have developed really painful emotional habits. I know that sometimes people do things that are by all accounts unjustifiably cruel, but Its been hard not to internalize those actions as a reflection of my worth in their eyes, and in turn my own. Loosing a friend that way tore open old trust issues based around that fact.
While i know that no one can go through life without being hurt, its a whole new deal when people hurt you on purpose. Some of the text he sent out before he took his life, the last conversation... Im not sure that hurt will ever be fully mended. But im reminded thanks to all this amazing support that not everyone has the habit of emotionally lashing out. Lots of people are just kind people doing their best in this world. Even more, there are people who really have my back and probably will as long as i dont loose hope. ^^
There has been A LOT OF comments and notes and gifts and ... i know i said id get back to them, so ill do my best, but it might take a while. I got less spoons than usual, but im trying to use them wisely
But I'm on the mend and i have a lots more art that i want to share with everyone and i cant wait to give it to you guys!
Thank you everyone for all the amazing notes, comments and even some art and gifts at this point. I can not begin to tell you how much they meant, but ill try.
Checking on this account occasionally reminded me that while everyone really is fragile, that the majority of us are doing our best to be there for one another. Its not always enough, and some of us fuck up and hurt one another... but the majority of us are in fact doing our best.
Thank you to everyone who chipped in to help buy me some time not working, it has allowed me a moment of reflection i couldnt have managed to give myself financially.
After a long time to asses, I've realized two things happened when my friend took his life: one, my sense of trust in myself and my ability to maintain friendships with others was broken. Two, being reminded how delicate people are made it hard to confide in anyone about the torrent of emotional bullshit going on in here.
As a temporary meassure, i needed to isolate myself until i could get on top of the negativity that was going through all of my thoughts.
Its not all gone yet, but its ... its getting there. Or ... that is to say, im managing to isolate some really tender places in my heart and distance myself from them as a cause of distress.
There are a couple of people (about 4 in total) in my life that have in fact, been bad for and to me in a way that i have not gotten over yet. Family and friends who, mostly because of people who have hurt them, have developed really painful emotional habits. I know that sometimes people do things that are by all accounts unjustifiably cruel, but Its been hard not to internalize those actions as a reflection of my worth in their eyes, and in turn my own. Loosing a friend that way tore open old trust issues based around that fact.
While i know that no one can go through life without being hurt, its a whole new deal when people hurt you on purpose. Some of the text he sent out before he took his life, the last conversation... Im not sure that hurt will ever be fully mended. But im reminded thanks to all this amazing support that not everyone has the habit of emotionally lashing out. Lots of people are just kind people doing their best in this world. Even more, there are people who really have my back and probably will as long as i dont loose hope. ^^
There has been A LOT OF comments and notes and gifts and ... i know i said id get back to them, so ill do my best, but it might take a while. I got less spoons than usual, but im trying to use them wisely
But I'm on the mend and i have a lots more art that i want to share with everyone and i cant wait to give it to you guys!
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I'll raise a glass of brandy for ya!